Friday, May 14, 2010

The Craft (1996)

I liked The Craft when I was a young’un. Not only was Skeet Ulrich totally dreamy (and this before his psychotic sexy turn as Billy Loomis, the killer of our dreams in Scream), but there was (and still is) something alluring about witches. Who doesn’t want magic powers?

However, now that I am older, wiser, and not so quickly charmed by magic love spells, I see that this movie blows. Hard. Huge logic issues, Robin Tunney’s weird broken-neck look, and utter ridiculousness running amok remind me just how silly young(er) people are.

I have a very clear memory – perhaps my one and only The Craft related memory – of sitting in gym class in eighth grade talking to a few girls who I wasn’t really friends with. They declared that they had become Wicken – oooo – and they started blathering on about Manon and how “If God and the Devil were playing football, Manon would be the stadium they played on, the sun that shined down on them” And I said “Really? You’re just quoting The Craft. I saw that movie too” And they were offended and said “No. What? It’s real. We really are witches. Abracadabra!”

They may or may not have actually said abracadabra but either way, I remember thinking that they were stupid. So, former childhood me, you had questionable taste. And unfortunately, that taste will keep you tuning in to bad movies for nostalgia’s sake until the end of your days.

P.S. This movie was on E! Why should any movie ever be on E!? (I’m not even sure how to punctuate with E!’s exclamation point reeking havoc on my mind). Not that The Craft needed rapt attention, but the celebrity crawl at the bottom is a major distraction.

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