Dead Man (1995)

At the risk of damaging my film school cred, I'm going to be honest about this one. It took a few weeks of Dead Man sitting on my t.v. stand before I finally popped it into the DVD player. Jim Jarmusch is known for his independent, art house ways and as much as I like to play at film snob, these movies aren't exactly fun to watch. They take concentration, thought, attention, and you can't be anywhere near the realm of tired. I just haven't been in the mood.

I'll admit, Johnny Depp helps. But only a little. It was a smart, lyrical film with plenty to think about and plenty of vagueness. It swiftly moved to the shelf of my brain labeled "Glad I saw it. Won't watch it again." Johnny Depp's performance is fantastic. The black and white cinematography looked amazing. Lots of funny (not as in haha but as in odd) cameos were speckled throughout - Billy Bob Thornton, Iggy Pop, Gabriel Byrne (who I think was the only character it was easy to emotionally connect with) and Crispin Glover (who just can't seem to get away from creepy these days).

I'm sure there were themes and motifs that went woosh over my head (because I was a little too close to the realm of tired - I'll admit) but I'm pleased I can now stick it in my outgoing mail pile and send it flying back to Netflix.

Before Night Falls (2000)

I didn't really enjoy this movie. Yes, Javier Bardem is a fantastic actor and the story, at its core, is interesting. But this film felt like a project made by a director who is so in love with his own abilities he just spews random visuals all over the place to demonstrate his magnificence. I preferred The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by a mile. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly required some directorial trickery but this movie did not. The filmic blah blah blah of trees and waves and hot air balloons was pretentious dribble and a snooze to boot.

One other complaint was the inclusion of Sean Penn and Johnny Depp. Both are actors I love, but neither needed to be in this film. They're distracting. Throughout Sean Penn's scene, I missed every bit of dialogue because I was too busy thinking "Is that Sean Penn. Yes. That's definitely him. No, that's not him. Why would that be him? But I'm pretty sure that's him."

On the bright side, Diego Luna was in this for about two minutes. So that was a nice surprise.

Overall - not my fave.

Alice In Wonderland (2009)

Nope. Not right. Sorry, but fail.

I had high hopes for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's collaborative efforts on Alice in Wonderland. One of two problems I have with nearly every adaptation from the beginning of time (or at least since the beginning of cinema) is that they're never dark enough (ahem - Disney Version). I knew that wouldn't be a problem here. And it wasn't. It was dark. Alice has to leap frog across a moat filled with dead bodies to get to The Red Queen's castle. Ick!

However, the other problem I have with all the adaptations is that they aren't funny. The books are funny. There almost black humor, subtly cloaked in the musings of a child. It's brilliant. This version aint so funny. There are a couple of nods toward the absurdist humor like The Red Queen mistaking Alice's name for Um when someone pauses to avoid revealing who she is. But for the most part, this version doesn't inspire laughter.

This version is also muddled in its return to wonderland sequel but not quite blah blah blah. Eventually, they lay it out. Plain and simple. If you're going to go the sequel route - go the sequel route. Make up new stuff. It might be interesting.

Then we get into the 'plot' which is ridiculously simple and too reductive to entertain. She has to slay the Jaberwock. She will. She does. Big surprise.

And Alice. In the bonus features they rave and rant and compliment and pat themselves on the back for choosing her. She blows. She displays the emotional range of a kumquat and I couldn't care less whether she is able to find her muchness. She is entirely blah. And so pale she looks like she belongs in Twilight rather than Wonderland. She has no spark, no wit like Alice should, none of the sharp intelligent logic that Alice uses to poke holes in Wonderland's absurdity. This was also not one of my favorite Johnny Depp performances. He's brave, to be sure, but his lisp through his gap tooth was irritating, his divergence into a creepy scottish accent when he's feeling upset weird. Helena Bottom Carter was fantastic - btw.

The best version, to my mind, remains the Tina Majorino NBC television movie. It suffers from a television movie budget - which is too bad - but tonally, it's closest. I'm on my way to reaching the conclusion that this is a story which simply isn't ever going to translate well. So much of the humor is in the narration that unless some brave soul tries an adaptation in which the story is simply read in voice over, it's never going to shine through. But I'll keep tabs on the various trials and let you know.