Thursday, July 8, 2010

Eclipse (2010)

Okay - if you're one of those people who hasn't read the books or seen the movies but claim Twilight is stupid just because you're obviously much cooler and more inteligent than the tween fangirls, you can suck it.

That being said, Twilight is stupid. Okay, I'm only 85% serious. I've read all the books and seen all the movies and yes, the writing is attrocious, and yes, Twilight (movie #1) was so incompetantly made that it's funny to watch. I love a good unnecssary swooping camera movement in a wood. However - as Stephen Colbert would say - the free market has spoken. And there are at least a dozen scenes in the novels that I found gooey sweet enough to make up for the five minutes it took to read them. And movies #2 and #3 were not incompetantly made. Great cinema? No. Filmmakers who clearly know their audience? Yes.

Everyone knows it's funny how frequently the wolf boys are shirtless. You aren't special or clever because you point out that the gratuitous shirtlessness isn't at all realted to plot. And - can I just say - in a land where women on screen are CONSTANTLY wearting slut clothes that no actual self respecting woman would ever wear (Megan Fox) it's nice that the pendulum is swinging a little bit the other way.

Back to this whole Twilight thing. I feel sorry for people who can't find entertainment in Hollywood drivel. Your life is less silly than mine. If you're completely uninterested, that's fine. You don't bother me. It's the vocal haters who don't know what they're talking about that I can't stand.

Okay. Eclipse. I'll actually talk about that for just a moment, too. First off, Billy Burke, who plays Bella's dad, is always the best thing about these movies. He's really good with very limited screen time. In Eclipse, when Bella graduates high school, I got slightly choked up at the way he jumped to his feet to applaud her. It was cute. And he tends to bring a bit of comic releif to an otherwise very melodramatic story. So well done Billy Burke.

Second, Xavier Samuel! Who's seen The Loved Ones? Show of hands. The Loved Ones is this uber sick horror movie about this crazy chick who kidnaps this guy who turned her down for the prom. She procedes to torture him during her creepfest makeshift livingroom prom. The guy? Xavier Samuel. I saw this back in October and immediately thought "Ooo! New hot Austrailian actor who can actually act! Fun!" Then I saw he was going to be in Eclipse. A little dissapointed, yes, but a little pleased that he'd be in something that would have a N.A. wide release. He was very good. And very pretty. Lots of screaming and grrr from him. It was delightful. If only they had cast someone that attractive in the role of Edward. Sorry, RPatz. You were a fine and dandy Cedric Diggory but Edward you are not.

It's looking like my longest post to date is going to be Eclipse centric. How awesome am I? Final thoughts: This was the best of the films and probably the best of the books too. It actually has a plot, which is a nice change, and it has that tingley scene on the mountain where Jacob has to get into the sleeping bag with Bella while Edward watches because otherwise she'd freeze to death. Squee! Pretty much the entire planet agrees that Bella is annoying but I'm working on a theory that vampire story girls are meant to be annoying so we can all fantasize about how much better we'd fit with the dashing fellas. (Everyone also seems to agree that Sookie Stackhouse is annoying...fleshed out theory to follow).

I'm also pretty excited for the next movies where we get to see Edward beat Bella up during sex and a creepy blood hungry fetus scratch and crawl and bust its way out of her uterous. That'll be awesome! Not to mention Jacob falling in love with an infant - whoop whoop!

Eventually these films will finish and the hype will die and I'll stop being annoyed with people on their high horses haten on everything that's popular (even if it DOES actually blow). You know what was REALLY awesome about seeing Eclipse? The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows preview on the big screen. Now there's something to really squee about!

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