Monday, December 13, 2010

Home Alone (1990)

Christmas requires multiple viewings of Home Alone. Review one is here. I'm sure they'll be at least one more.

This time around, let's contemplate the slapstick nature of the stunts. By my estimation, several of Kevin's little traps would have offed the poor Wet Bandits. Perhaps the most lethal: the various falls down icy stairs and the long swing into a brick wall. Heads slamming into concrete can be messy.

The paint cans to the face could also have been lethal - and if they survived the cans themselves, the subsequent fall down the stairs may have crushed a vertebrae or two. An iron to the face would probably cause at least a concussion and maybe a broken nose. And man, that nail in the foot, while perhaps the least lethal trap would definitely hurt. And bleed. As would the glass christmas ornaments. Die Hard anyone?

Imagine if Home Alone had treated these moments with complete realism rather than cartoon humor. Joe Pesci lies unconscious and bleeding from his skull in the McCallister's front yard when mom gets home the next morning. Daniel Stern leaves bloody footprints all over the house before breaking his back falling down the stairs. Kevin, in shock, doesn't speak for years.

Yeah - that would have been a different movie.

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