Home Alone (1990)

Christmas requires multiple viewings of Home Alone. Review one is here. I'm sure they'll be at least one more.

This time around, let's contemplate the slapstick nature of the stunts. By my estimation, several of Kevin's little traps would have offed the poor Wet Bandits. Perhaps the most lethal: the various falls down icy stairs and the long swing into a brick wall. Heads slamming into concrete can be messy.

The paint cans to the face could also have been lethal - and if they survived the cans themselves, the subsequent fall down the stairs may have crushed a vertebrae or two. An iron to the face would probably cause at least a concussion and maybe a broken nose. And man, that nail in the foot, while perhaps the least lethal trap would definitely hurt. And bleed. As would the glass christmas ornaments. Die Hard anyone?

Imagine if Home Alone had treated these moments with complete realism rather than cartoon humor. Joe Pesci lies unconscious and bleeding from his skull in the McCallister's front yard when mom gets home the next morning. Daniel Stern leaves bloody footprints all over the house before breaking his back falling down the stairs. Kevin, in shock, doesn't speak for years.

Yeah - that would have been a different movie.

Home Alone (1990)

Okay. Here we go. Home Alone - the original of course - is great. Quotable for eternity (Look what you did, you little jerk. / This is my house, I have to defend it. / You guys give up? Or you thirsty for more? / I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. / I'm over here you big horse's ass / Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?) and well crafted in its complexities, Home Alone is a modern masterpiece.

So you know the storm the night before they leave for France? It's everything. The perfect setup. Fate. It knocks out the power - making them late. Screws up the phone lines - making it impossible to call Kevin. The kid who is miscounted for Kevin (Mitch Murphy is his name) - he's crazy funny (How fast does this thing go? Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have four wheel drive?) His amusing nature makes his slightly contrived existence more than forgivable.  Kevin's fear of the neighbor prevents him from opening the door to the police. The McCallister's calling the neighbor for help (who isn't home because rich people are never home for Christmas) alerts The Wet Bandits to the McCallisters' still being in France. It's just all so perfectly built and logical. Je'adore.

On top of all that stuff - Macaulay Culkin really is fantastic. He was ten (probably actually nine when they filmed) and he carries the entire film. His precociousness, the degree to which he actually understands where the humor, it's very impressive. As his father says near the end, "What a funny guy!"

I think I've made my love of Home Alone pretty clear. It also has a fantastic Christmas soundtrack and, much like It's A Wonderful Life, it makes snow look gorgeous.  If you haven't seen it lately, check it out.

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York pales in comparison to the original. It's not as funny, it's not as sweet, the parents seem twice as awful, and the few things that it does do well are the things it lifted directly from the original.

Plus, plausibility goes straight out the window with this one. The Wet (now Sticky) Bandits escaped from jail (right...) and then happen to run into Kevin. Not ONLY do they find each other in the most crowded city on the planet - but the fact that they're all in New York to begin with is a crazy coincidence.

The hotel staff cares way more about what's going on with this kid than any reasonable hotel staff would, and his homeless lady friend lives in  - what - the attic? of Carnegie Hall? Where no one EVER goes.

Luckily for us, Kevin has a random family member who has left behind a big empty house in the city. So now Kevin can copy his stunts from the last movie. Except this time just for fun because the bandits aren't trying to rob this house. And it makes total sense considering how small and cramped NYC is, that Kevin couldn't possibly just hide randomly. Like in a Borders.  And apparently he has some unexplained aversion to police involvement.

Whatever. I adore the original. Not only do I get warm and fuzzy feelings from it, but I feel like John Hughes covered all his bases the first time around. He actually wrote sensical stuff. Stuff that, even if it's somewhat unlikely, could happen. Major fail with the sequel.

Okay...Tim Curry is a little bit funny.

P.S. That pic came from this post where the writer is comparing the homeless lady to Susan Boyle. And to the bowing lady at the end of Sound of Music. Made me giggle :)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (2010)

Opening night. A theatre full of Potter fans. Second to last time we get to do this dance. I'm going to miss it.

I very much enjoyed the movie. It's slow and mournful, beautifully shot and lovely to watch. It is incredibly focused on the three main characters. It was bold to focus so tightly on the trio. But they carried it off wonderfully. And the animation - how gorgeous was that?

Hermione is perfect in this film. I normally don't think she's quite right, but in Deathly Hallows 1, she's spot on. I adored the dance scene. And the Christmas graveyard scene. And poor Dobby. Man. How often to CGI characters make you cry?

I'll have a better grasp of my thoughts upon a second viewing. Check back later!

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (2009)

I think Tom Felton pretty much steals this movie. And, since I haven't given him a ton of credit thus far, Daniel Radcliffe is pretty good in Half Blood Prince as well.

Despite its ending, it's the funniest of the potter films. Between Ron's lovesickness and Harry's drunken ways on Felix Felicis, its got a lot of charm.

I'll also mention that it's the Potter film I've seen the fewest times. So I don't have a TON to say.

Thank God, right?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Order of the Phoenix is my least favorite of the novels. Lots of people love Harry's angsty teenage ways, but I find this character shift forced. I don't believe Harry, the Harry we've known for four "years" now, would behave the way he does is Order. There's no impetus for such a drastic turn into douchehood.

However, Helena Bonham Carter is brilliant as Bellatrix. She's definitely my favorite villain. And I do think the movie improves on the ministry sequence at the end. They cut out the weirder elements (baby heads? flesh sucking brains?) and make it look pretty damn cool.

I'll also mention that The Weasley Twins are my favorite characters and I'm glad their exit is well represented. The score of this film is also one of my favorites.

I wish there had been more Tonks and more flashbacks, but as I keep being reminded, we can't have everything we wish for. That's what the novels are for.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Goblet of Fire is my favorite. Favorite movie. Favorite book. I want my wedding to look like The Yule Ball. I love almost everything about it. The twins are at the height of their wit, Hermione actually seems to like Harry and Ron again, the champions are all well cast, and the challenge sequences are fun and exciting.

The plot does have the one tiny hiccup of irrelevance. Barty Crouch Jr. could have just shown up as MadEye, thrown Harry a smelly old shoe portkey, and bob's your uncle. No need for the whole Tri-Wizard Tournament thing. Details!

I also love the Quiddich World Cup, the tiff between Harry and Ron, Moaning Myrtle and Neville, Draco as a ferret, and of course the grave yard scene where we get to see Voldemort - full force - for the first time. Harry's parents' appearance at the end gets me every time. And Cedric asking to have his body brought back - sigh.

I could gush forever about Goblet. I have nothing bad to say about it. It's magical.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Prisoner of Azkaban takes the top spot on lots HP lists for both the film and the book. However, I have one major issue with it.

The time travel is wrong. I am a stickler for time travel rules. There's a way in which to do it, and a way in which human's have no choice and paradoxical world ending implications are prevalent. You cant have the things that happen after the characters go back in time happen the first time 'round. That's just wrong. What if they didn't do it the second time? What would happen then? It has to be that when you go back in time, you rewrite the subsequent future. Not just live it from a different perspective.

Whatever. This is a point I've made many times to many people and, for the most part, they don't care. But it's my biggest problem with Prisoner. That, and I think they upped Hermione's snob quotient so high, she's completely unlikeable and nothing like Hermione. "RONALD!"

Sirius is fantastic though - and Gary Oldman is fantastic at making him fantastic. Lupin too. And David Thewlis too. Neither of them get enough play in the later films.

It also has the best ending. And it's the last one that isn't terribly depressing. It's one of the better Harry Potter "films" but it's not one of my personal faves.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Chamber of Secrets. Well, when it came out, I thought it was considerably more exciting than the first. These days, I can take it or leave it.

I enjoy Kenneth Branagh. It's a funny role for a guy who has made a career being pretty much as pretentious as possible. And in retrospect, with an eye toward Horcrux lore, it lays some interesting groundwork. I also like Christian Coulson as Tom Riddle. I wish they would have used him in Half Blood Prince. But my general feelings toward Chamber of Secrets are quite lukewarm.

In fact, I think in the Harry Potter film franchise, this one is weakest. It's a long, winding story and the trio runs into a lot of dead ends. Aragog is a dead end. The Polyjuice Potion is a dead end. Dobby randomly tries to kill or maim Harry a few times but to no real end.

Three is a big step up. Can't wait to talk about that one!

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

I remember how crazily excited I was when Sorcerer's Stone was first coming out. I was sixteen, I guess. I went with my best friend and her entire family. And, if I remember correctly, I was a bit disappointed. Something about the film seemed slow to me. For such a quick read, the movie lagged.

Now, after six years of education related to film production and screenwriting, I can say it was the expositional nature of the film that bothered sixteen year old me.

These days, I enjoy the film. As a matter of fact, I enjoy it a great deal. I think it's mostly a nostalgia thing. I would never argue it's the best made Harry Potter film, or the most exciting. But the kids are so young, the story is so soft and magical, and Richard Harris is there.

I can probably thank ABC Family for this, but the first two movies feel like Halloween to me. The third and fourth feel like Christmas. And five and six are decisively summer. I look forward to attaching seasonal significance to seven when it arrives.

The Town (2010)

The Town (or as I like to call it, Good Will Hunting 2: The Chuckie Story) is getting far better reviews than it deserves. FAR better. It's okay - Jeremy Renner is electric and the three (slightly long) heist scenes are fast and fun. And the film definitely sparkles most when it's being funny. But the plot takes some stupid and unrealistic turns and chunks of the dialogue are insanely bad. Take, for example, the Good Will Hunting ripoff scene where Ben Affleck and Rebecca Hall (the pretty British lady slummin' with the boy from the wrong side of the tracks) are sitting outside at a cafe. She looks around at the lovely sunny day and out of nowhere says "My brother died on a day like this."

There's also the little problem of Rebecca Hall's character being the dumbest chick on the planet. Their first date together, Ben Affleck drills her about what she knows and what she told the FBI about their robbery. She doesn't, for a second, question where this random bad-ass rough-edge guy game from? She's dense and I hate her.

Also, there are probably fifteen scenes where characters are talking about what happened to poor Ben Affleck before the movie began (including poor Ben Affleck). It is exposition city up in there and it's heavy handed and eye roll inducing.

Blake Lively was fine, Jon Hamm's accent was in and out. The nun costume might be my pick for Halloween this year.

The thing is - it's not a bad movie. But it's not the brilliant cops and robbers drama RottenTomatoes would have you believe (94% REALLY?). And the ending is a weird amalgamation of Nicholas Sparks and The Shawshank Redemption. If you like action movies - go see it. If you're expecting something loftier that may rise to your indie drama tastes, you'll be sorely disappointed.

Star Trek (2009)

For my money, Star Trek was the best film of 2009. I wasn't a huge fan of The Hurt Locker and Avatar had some serious acting issues. Of the actual nominees, District 9 would have been my choice, but Star Trek was sorely overlooked.

Just so we're clear, I am not a Trekkie. I think I've seen the original Star Trek once and Star Trek Next Generation maybe five times. I could not have named a character beyond Spock and Kirk. Yet, I love love loved this movie. I have a special place in my heart for movies that have to be movies. Stuff that should be seen on a big screen, the stuff that people are talking about when they use the phrase movie magic. They remind me of why we all love movies to begin with. It's what separates movies from plays and television. Avatar had movie magic in spades but Sam Worthington - oof! Star Trek balanced it all beautifully. Engaging story, good acting, fun characters, and the sparkle of cinema.

I truly loved Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine in this movie. They were fun and funny and loveable with a few tinges of angst (I always love my angst). The supporting cast was also fantastic. Each character got a moment to shine. How adorable was Anton Yelchin as Pavel Chekov? And my Lord of the Rings love dictates that I always give major props to Karl Urban (who I met once! I had to resist the urge to bend down on one knee and call him majesty).

J.J. Abrams knows story and I appreciate that above everything. My biggest Star Trek related hope is that the sequel doesn't suck. I adore these characters. I guess I see where the Trekkies are coming from.

Alice In Wonderland (2009)

Nope. Not right. Sorry, but fail.

I had high hopes for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's collaborative efforts on Alice in Wonderland. One of two problems I have with nearly every adaptation from the beginning of time (or at least since the beginning of cinema) is that they're never dark enough (ahem - Disney Version). I knew that wouldn't be a problem here. And it wasn't. It was dark. Alice has to leap frog across a moat filled with dead bodies to get to The Red Queen's castle. Ick!

However, the other problem I have with all the adaptations is that they aren't funny. The books are funny. There almost black humor, subtly cloaked in the musings of a child. It's brilliant. This version aint so funny. There are a couple of nods toward the absurdist humor like The Red Queen mistaking Alice's name for Um when someone pauses to avoid revealing who she is. But for the most part, this version doesn't inspire laughter.

This version is also muddled in its return to wonderland sequel but not quite blah blah blah. Eventually, they lay it out. Plain and simple. If you're going to go the sequel route - go the sequel route. Make up new stuff. It might be interesting.

Then we get into the 'plot' which is ridiculously simple and too reductive to entertain. She has to slay the Jaberwock. She will. She does. Big surprise.

And Alice. In the bonus features they rave and rant and compliment and pat themselves on the back for choosing her. She blows. She displays the emotional range of a kumquat and I couldn't care less whether she is able to find her muchness. She is entirely blah. And so pale she looks like she belongs in Twilight rather than Wonderland. She has no spark, no wit like Alice should, none of the sharp intelligent logic that Alice uses to poke holes in Wonderland's absurdity. This was also not one of my favorite Johnny Depp performances. He's brave, to be sure, but his lisp through his gap tooth was irritating, his divergence into a creepy scottish accent when he's feeling upset weird. Helena Bottom Carter was fantastic - btw.

The best version, to my mind, remains the Tina Majorino NBC television movie. It suffers from a television movie budget - which is too bad - but tonally, it's closest. I'm on my way to reaching the conclusion that this is a story which simply isn't ever going to translate well. So much of the humor is in the narration that unless some brave soul tries an adaptation in which the story is simply read in voice over, it's never going to shine through. But I'll keep tabs on the various trials and let you know.

Inception (2010)

Inception is entertaining. I think it borrows heavily from The Matrix, but eh. We could use a Matrix movie every ten to fifteen years. You should see it in the theatre so you can stop avoiding articles with spoilers and conversations where people are talking about it. Because you're bound to run into both.

However...and...do I want to spoil it? No. I won't. I guess. But it's not like anyone reads this so I guess it doesn't really matter if I do. So I will. SPOILER ALERT!

Throughout the movie it's been set up that if the freaking top stops spinning - we're in reality. Not a dream. So the last shot of the movie, Leonardo DiCaprio spins his silly little top and walks away. The film cuts to black with the damn thing still spinning. My opinion of that? Christopher Nolan is a dick. It's reality. It's a colossally stupid movie if it isn't and I don't think Christopher Nolan is stupid. Just a dick. He wants the IMDb boards to explode with threads about theories and to have people cite crazy minutia as evidence either way. Most importantly, he wants people to run back to the theatre for a second look so they can take notes all the way through and build their case that it's all a dream. He knows. He picked one way or the other and I would eat my hat if he picked 'it's all a dream.' He just won't ever admit it.

To that end, read this article. It's an interview with Dileep Rao who played the chemist. He has it all worked out and he talks about his opinions on what's what. If you're confused or you just want a definitive something - check it out. I love him for actually answering these questions.

And - twelve year old me who saw Titanic six times in the theatre has asked me to mention that Leonardo DiCaprio hasn't looked this good in quite some time. So see it for that if nothing else. (And Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Cillian Murphy too).

Eclipse (2010)

Okay - if you're one of those people who hasn't read the books or seen the movies but claim Twilight is stupid just because you're obviously much cooler and more inteligent than the tween fangirls, you can suck it.

That being said, Twilight is stupid. Okay, I'm only 85% serious. I've read all the books and seen all the movies and yes, the writing is attrocious, and yes, Twilight (movie #1) was so incompetantly made that it's funny to watch. I love a good unnecssary swooping camera movement in a wood. However - as Stephen Colbert would say - the free market has spoken. And there are at least a dozen scenes in the novels that I found gooey sweet enough to make up for the five minutes it took to read them. And movies #2 and #3 were not incompetantly made. Great cinema? No. Filmmakers who clearly know their audience? Yes.

Everyone knows it's funny how frequently the wolf boys are shirtless. You aren't special or clever because you point out that the gratuitous shirtlessness isn't at all realted to plot. And - can I just say - in a land where women on screen are CONSTANTLY wearting slut clothes that no actual self respecting woman would ever wear (Megan Fox) it's nice that the pendulum is swinging a little bit the other way.

Back to this whole Twilight thing. I feel sorry for people who can't find entertainment in Hollywood drivel. Your life is less silly than mine. If you're completely uninterested, that's fine. You don't bother me. It's the vocal haters who don't know what they're talking about that I can't stand.

Okay. Eclipse. I'll actually talk about that for just a moment, too. First off, Billy Burke, who plays Bella's dad, is always the best thing about these movies. He's really good with very limited screen time. In Eclipse, when Bella graduates high school, I got slightly choked up at the way he jumped to his feet to applaud her. It was cute. And he tends to bring a bit of comic releif to an otherwise very melodramatic story. So well done Billy Burke.

Second, Xavier Samuel! Who's seen The Loved Ones? Show of hands. The Loved Ones is this uber sick horror movie about this crazy chick who kidnaps this guy who turned her down for the prom. She procedes to torture him during her creepfest makeshift livingroom prom. The guy? Xavier Samuel. I saw this back in October and immediately thought "Ooo! New hot Austrailian actor who can actually act! Fun!" Then I saw he was going to be in Eclipse. A little dissapointed, yes, but a little pleased that he'd be in something that would have a N.A. wide release. He was very good. And very pretty. Lots of screaming and grrr from him. It was delightful. If only they had cast someone that attractive in the role of Edward. Sorry, RPatz. You were a fine and dandy Cedric Diggory but Edward you are not.

It's looking like my longest post to date is going to be Eclipse centric. How awesome am I? Final thoughts: This was the best of the films and probably the best of the books too. It actually has a plot, which is a nice change, and it has that tingley scene on the mountain where Jacob has to get into the sleeping bag with Bella while Edward watches because otherwise she'd freeze to death. Squee! Pretty much the entire planet agrees that Bella is annoying but I'm working on a theory that vampire story girls are meant to be annoying so we can all fantasize about how much better we'd fit with the dashing fellas. (Everyone also seems to agree that Sookie Stackhouse is annoying...fleshed out theory to follow).

I'm also pretty excited for the next movies where we get to see Edward beat Bella up during sex and a creepy blood hungry fetus scratch and crawl and bust its way out of her uterous. That'll be awesome! Not to mention Jacob falling in love with an infant - whoop whoop!

Eventually these films will finish and the hype will die and I'll stop being annoyed with people on their high horses haten on everything that's popular (even if it DOES actually blow). You know what was REALLY awesome about seeing Eclipse? The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows preview on the big screen. Now there's something to really squee about!

Independence Day (1996)

Independence Day was just on television - surprise surprise. So of course, in honor of America, I watched it.

More in the tradition of a disaster movie than an alien invasion flick, Independence Day knows what's what. Bill Pullman's gravely voiced president, Will Smith's endearing fighter pilot, Jeff Golblum's mumbling computer geek, Randy Quaid's crazy father with a heart of gold - Independence Day delivers it all. With some awesome action sequences, lots of explosions, a few touching deaths, and a dash of humor thrown in for good measure, Independence Day is a flashy fun time. Summer blockbusters today need to take a clue from those of the days of yore. (Yes - I'm considering the mid-nineties the days of yore).

What can I say about Independence Day that hasn't been said before? I think my favorite scene is the one in which Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum escape from the mothership at the end (climax #2, if you will). I think the wedding ring Will Smith gives to Vivica A. Fox is one of the most hideous rings I've ever seen. And I don't think, in a world of logic, the president would be allowed to fly in the final mission (climax #1, if you will). But who cares about the world of logic when we got aliens to fight!

So Happy Birthday, America. Let's hope Aliens don't show up any time soon. Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't survive the traffic trying to get out of Los Angeles.

Happy 4th of July!

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

I'm a slightly obsessive Lord of the Rings fan so I don't want to write too much about it. It's sacred. I will say, my roommate and I watched the extended edition and I'm always shocked that Saruman's death and the Mouth of Sauron didn't make it to the theatrical cut. Those scenes are both amazing and the mouth, especially, is so uniquely creepy, it's too bad that not everyone has seen it.

If you've never seen the mouth - check it out.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

I have a thing about comic book movies. I think they should have an element of comic book-ness to them. Fun is the name of the game. I don’t particularly like the new Bat Man films (and yes – they scream “I am a film! Not a movie!” with Goddard like French accents) because they keep the zany comic book plots but take out the comic book camp. In my opinion, this makes them ridiculous. How seriously can we take forty five minutes of mountain top training with blue hallucinogenic flowers and crazy Liam Neeson? Much like Spider-Man 1 and 2, the Iron Man movies have it right. They have fun storylines, they’re over the top, and (unlike Mr. Raspy-Voice Christian Bale) Robert Downey Jr. is a delight to watch.

In fact, all the actors are. It’s clear that they’re having fun. Mickey Rourke is deliciously evil-tastic with his Russian craziness, his insane scars, and his metal teeth. And how cool are those electric whips? Sam Rockwell is, as always, fantastic. He reminded me of Giovanni Ribisi in Avatar; it’s not his typical part but he’s up for the fun of doing it. Don Cheadle is great as the antithesis of Tony Stark – quiet, unassuming, and all about authority. And together, these boys throw down and have a good time. The chicks don’t get much play – but Gwyneth Paltrow makes the best of her miniaml role to sell us Pepper Pott’s personality (say that five times fast).

At the end of it all, I can say confidently that I enjoyed my two hours in the theatre. These days, that’s really all I can ask for my $13.

2012 (2009)

Crash! Bang! Destructo-vision. California into the Ocean. Water. Ahh! LOTS OF WATER! Quippy John Cusack. Water!!

Now it’s like you’ve seen 2012 too!

In all fairness, I love me a good disaster movie. I’ve seen Twister so many times I can quote it from now until the day the sun kills us or the earth’s core stops turning or a giant asteroid smashes us or whatever the hell happened in The Day After Tomorrow happens. But now these movies are all so similar. You can only watch the White House get destroyed so many times. Go back to the time of Twister, oh you disaster movie makers. It doesn’t have to be global. We’ve seen it. We know it’s fake. It’s not impressive anymore. And when the disaster sequences are the only thing you’re putting time and money (so much money!) into, you’re going to look like all the rest and be as easily forgotten.

And – they depict the 2012 Time Square with the Virgin sign still in place. Alas, illusion shattered.